I cannot believe it has been almost a month since I have written. Mostly for the fact that it seems like two years have passed. Since the beginning of July many changes have occurred. For instance, I cut my hair and learned a jig.
But seriously. I got a new job at Scotty's Brewhouse as a server. I dropped out of my LSAT prep class. I also dropped out of my 3rd summer school class. I saw Florence and the Machine in concert. I moved out of my old apartment and into my new apartment. I went to the store in the heart of summer and almost cried at the lack of watermelon and corn. I started my 5th year of college. I was alone. I spent time with old friends. Made new friends. And briefly viewed my life as a singleton with a "what the hell" mentality. I finished a book. Two actually. I actually went to the movie theater and payed for a movie. A movie that marked the end of my childhood. I went on a family vacation. I got into a car accident. I discovered a new addicting website. I have giggled and bawled and loathed and desired. And just when everything in my world seemed to be crashing down, I was filled with a peace that surpassed all understanding.
To be entirely honest this summer has seemed longer than decades, harder than life, and more hopeless than love. It has taken more of myself than I ever thought I would need to give just to survive. Yet, I did. Somehow. I will never know how to truly thank those who have walked beside me, from beginning to end. And even more so those who have held my hand and at times carried me. I can only hope to be there for you the day you need someone.
Mostly, I am surprised at myself. I am surprised at the resiliency and plasticity of the human mind. There is a term in social psychology called impact bias. Impact bias is defined as the tendency to overestimate the intensity and duration of our emotional reaction to future negative events. Basically this means that I predicted my emotional reaction to be worse and last longer than it actually did. And while it was pretty terrible, and I experienced it repeatedly, overall it turned out to subside more quickly than I had initially imagined or could have hoped for.
What is important to realize is that the events of this summer have changed me, as every significant experience usually does. These events have become a part of who I am, and I cannot evade them. Nor do I want to hide them. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of these parts of me. Because I have confronted them and vowed to work past them and move on. And ultimately this was my goal of the summer. My goal of this blog. To document my journey in finding my voice. And while my journey happened nothing like the way I imagined it would, I warned us all in my very first post that I had no clue what this journey would look like. And even though I have conducted this journey in the most round-about, inefficient way possible thus far, I can confidently say I am still progressing. Nope. I am nowhere near being finished, but once again, I turn to a new page in my life. A blank page. And I begin to write of new adventures on this road to anywhere.
